Trigger warning: In this post I talk about depression and abuse.
Hey you. how are you doing? and honestly, I mean that. How are you actually doing right now? I want to know. A standard conversation for many of us but are we taking the ‘how are you’ phrase serious enough? Times are really different right now, and really hard on our mental health. The mental health awareness week is just coming to the end and although I feel like I am posting a bit late I have been talking on my socials a lot about this! mental health is so important to me I really couldn’t leave it. I thought today would be a great way to get into detail why mental health and being kind is so important to me.
The mental health awareness week is a great opportunity to really reflect on your own mental health and what you can do to improve your mental health. As well as teaching others the importance of mental health awareness. AND, the importance of kindness, and how we treat each other.
Has anyone ever made you feel like you are not worthy? like the feeling of not belonging? That you are alone.
You are not alone.
I am a survivor of abuse and bullying.
A survivor. I thought I would look up and check out the official meaning of the word. Actually, the definition of a survivor in this context is a person who copes well with difficulties in their life. Um, copes well. Does that mean I am lying? No.
Why would I think that? well, I wouldn’t say that I have ever coped well in these situations. I have always been filled with anxiety and depression, and it took me a long time to be strong enough to walk away from the person who was making my life a living nightmare.
Staying positive during lockdown is so hard, but it is so important. Read my post here.
Let me be clear, I am not writing this because I want pity. I don’t want sympathy, fuck that. I want you to know that I got through these things in life then and I am getting through the memories and damage of it now. So if I can, you can get through your experiences too.
These things happened, and they can make me stronger, I rebuild myself more and more everyday.
It is only in the past few weeks I have realised how damaged I had actually been feeling from my past and how I am not prepared to feel that way anymore. So I am focusing a lot on self-love, confidence and saying yes to being outside of my comfort zone.
That is bad right? I didn’t even realise how unconfident and shy I had become? It has been a scary but well-needed realisation.
Sometimes we really have to learn to be honest with ourselves, and take the time to review our past to actually move forward in the future.
This may sound like I am being drastic, but unfortunately, I am not. I have been through a lot of stuff in my life that really now, I think what the actual fuck. Why me? I am going to be completely honest with you. I was abused as a child, I’ve had constant health complications, bullied at school, I spent years in a wheelchair for my wonky hips, I self-harmed, I was in an abusive relationship and faced so many things of continuous stress in my life.
Told that I’m shit at things that I was doing, till I would stop. Loosing my friends because I wasn’t allowed to be friends with them, or I shouldn’t be spending time with anyone else. Basically being forced to loose myself and who I was as a person.
Why did I have to go through things that made me hurt and damaged? Do they not say that everything happens for a reason? what exactly was the reason to cause me so much pain? I spent so long thinking that it was all my fault for the way other people acted and treated me. It is harsh and upsetting to think back to those times (and there have been a few) Why did I let it get that bad? However, these things were things that really were not in my control. I could not have done anything to stop the past from happening. Realising that was a massive step in me growing and recovering.
It isn’t my fault, the past is not my fault.
We all do that right? Blame ourselves?
Is this sounding familiar to you? maybe you have gone through something similair. Abused or bullied in any form or anything that affected you and your mental health. We all experience different things in life, and let me be real with you. I am 1000% serious that, it is NOT your fault either.
Sometimes it is easy to live in your own little bubble and not realise what it is actually going on, you know you are being made to feel negative but you don’t realise how this is abuse and you shouldn’t be putting up with it.
Abuse comes in so many forms, And I have experienced them in many ways, and it has taken me many years to actually realise my own personal strength. I would love to help and support others going through the same thing.
To stop caring what others think is such a powerful mindstate.
We should not be afraid of talking anymore. None of us are actually being open with how we are feeling. There is always something that we seem to hold back from the world. But why?
Rasism, homophobia, pointless bullying still exists. Yet the whole world is saying we need to support and love one another. Yet I still see people being hypocritical. They say how kindness matters and how to be themselves. Yet finds a way without even realising that words they have said have hurt someone.
We should not still be in a position where we are afraid to be who we are. Who cares if your fat, thin, black, white, gay, straight, religious, weird, unsocial, awkward. Why does it matter to anyone else? as long as you are happy and you feel content with your life, who are you effecting!
I don’t care if you are different, you are beautiful, and you need to hear it.
A relationship or friendship built on negative behaviour is not healthy.
Ending up in a relationship where the other person should have been kind, loving and supportive and realising it was actually abusive, narcissistic and controlling is a harsh reality. Sometimes it feels impossible to get away from these situations.
Someone like this puts so much effort in to making you feel loved and special, so that it then becomes ok to control you and put you down. they force you to believe that this is normal and ok, because they are doing it because they love you. they make you believe its your fault. This doesn’t just happen in relationships either. there are friendships based on one person putting the other down, because it makes them happy. They become jealous when you are doing well, and they do not want you to have that. So instead they feel your life with hatred and they really don’t care about the effects. They may not even realise that they do it.
You do not need this in your life.
You are not a belonging. You are so worthy of everything you want out of life.
I wish the whole world was on the same page, but the truth really is that this will never really go away.
Abuse is not just the physical act of being assaulted, although this is still a form of abuse. Emotional abuse can do so much more damage to someone. It made me laugh to think that some people believe that bullying/trolling is not abuse. If you are using words to intentionally hurt someone, you are being abusive. End of. there are no ifs, no but what-ifs, it is just not ok.
Mental health awareness means understanding your own mental health, as well as the mental health of others. By realising how your words could hurt another’s mental house, leading them down a path of self hate.
Check out my post on how I have been using CBD oil to help with my anxiety here.
Don’t be afraid to speak up, and speak out.
It doesn’t matter who they are or how strong someone appears. We say not to judge a book by its cover, but yet we make assumptions that things are how they look by appearance.
Just because a person has a 100% positive and happy vibe on socials does not mean they are positive and happy all the time. What is behind the screen? you really do not know what is going on behind someones door.
Firstly, get rid of the toxic people in your life that don’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Do not allow people in your life that put you down, and don’t support you and your happiness.
Just by saying hello, asking if someone is ok today, asking if there is anything they need, or even just giving a completely random compliment you could be making a massive difference to someones day.
Think back to the last time you received a compliment. Even something as small as ‘Oh your top looks nice’. Think back to how that made you feel. Did you feel 1% more confident and positive that day? could you imagine a world with no negativity or abusive behaviour! we would all be so much stronger.
Do what is best for your mental health…
Support is out there…
If you feel down and in a position where you really don’t know what to do, there is plenty of support avenues our there but here is a list of some if you don’t know.
If you do not want to contact a support service such as the ones above, there are many other ways you can reach out for advice and support such as Twitter communities, Facebook Groups, venting apps, and forums. there are so many online groups and services that support and encourage mental health awareness, and support for everyone.
Even if you speak out anonymously to someone, this is still a good step.
Speak to me.
I always have time for those who reach out to me, and I make sure I reply to you when you do. So if you feel down and you need support send me a message on one of my socials. or pop an email to email@example.com ❤
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- The semicolon project – my thoughts on mental health in 2018.
- Dealing with emotional abuse? 16 signs you are in a toxic relationship.