A plus sized girl guide to surviving the heat and the rest of the summer!

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It’s hot isn’t it? So hot right now. I’m not complaining, but I am suffering. One thing I can say about a heatwave is it’s not cool! (I just couldn’t resist that crappy little joke). As a plus size girl, I’m feeling for all my curvy friends right now! The muggy weather is the worst. Whilst we’re hoping for thunder storms to come our way and clear the air, I thought it would be a nice idea to share my tips for surviving the heat.

Isn’t it funny how it’s harder to cool down then warm up? Well, annoying. I do love the summer though, seeing past the heat. Summer is for colourful clothes and making memories, just like last year we’ve been doing as much as we can, whilst following social distancing.

Surviving the heat

How I’ve been surviving the heat…

Fans are your friend!

I’m not going to lie. Surviving this heat had been a nightmare when it comes to bedtime. We’ve had 3 fans on in our room the past few nights. however, It has Still been so hard to sleep with this heat. Having a fan aimed at us has really helped us out.

Small tip: Placing a bowl of water under the fan also helps cool the room. As the water evaporates the fan cools this into the air.

Staying in? Keep your mind off the sun with staying creative at home! Read the post, here.

Embrace your body! And get that bikini on.

The idea of going somewhere where everyone could see my fatty legs used to kill me off. I wouldn’t want to go. It’s only recently that I have grown my confidence by having an attitude of if you don’t like it don’t look attitude. Plus who is really looking at you? Everyone else is too busy in there own bubbles.

So grab that swim wear and get down to the beach. Dive in the sea and cool off!

Ice lollies are the best supply.

When it’s a sunny hot day what’s better then a freezing cold treat? An ice cream might be tempting but I promise you your feel even more refreshed with a fruity ice lolly!

Drink even more water.

I’m not being funny with this one. But if your like me right now your going to be constantly sweating. You need to keep hydrated even more so right now. Topping up on water during the day and night will help prevent headaches and feeling crappy.
keeping hydrated is so much better for you and will help keep you cool. As well. It also helps reduce the redness in our hot faces.

Surviving the heat at the beach
Beach Day ☀️

Invest in a decent fly trap.

With heat comes the flies! Ugh there so annoying. There everywhere in the heat. They thrive when it’s hot. Having a decent fly trap will really help. We recently brought this one. It’s brilliant. Really has reduced the flies around us.

Don’t forget your sun cream.

Your already hot and sweaty. Let’s not add burn to this too. I’ve been suffering the last week with sunburn. Because even though I use sun cream I still burn. I use Nivea sun for kids, Which is one of my favourite sun lotions as this always seems to work best for my sensitive sun hating skin. I would still advice applying every hour that your in direct sunlight.

And if you do burn…

After sun and moisturiser! Alternate the 2 every few hours. Your skin will thank you for this! I did learn this week, out of all of the aftersuns I have used in the past. Aloe Vera gel is the best for severe sun burn. I’ve been keep this in the fridge since I got burnt and it really helps the soothing.

Surviving the heat dog with ice lolly
Bella enjoyed her ice cream 🍦

Make sure your clothes and comfortable and loose.

When you are not living in your bikini. Loose and flowing clothes are the best thing for us in this heat. It’s bad enough sweating in everything you put on. So if you have something thin and loose, it’s time to get it out.

Also. Sports bras, I love them in this heat, more comfortable and you can get away with wearing it alone.

Find the water…

I know the idea of the beach right now is out of the question for most, and if we do go. We need to be vigilant with social distancing, but it’s not just the beach as an option to cool down. Some parks have lakes where you can paddle, and there are some beaches around the coast (for us in Hampshire. We are quite lucky to have so many local options). Surviving the heat is so much nicer when you can take a dip in some water.

If a beach isn’t an option, a garden paddling pool, even the smallest to out your feet in will help you cool down quicker.

An umbrella in the sun.

Taking an umbrella with you out when you know. There won’t be much shade helps protect your skin from the sun. (Honestly no one wants the sweaty sunburnt feeling).

Stay calm! It’s not for long…

As plus sized we might struggle a bit more. But it isn’t for long! That boob sweat isn’t going to kill you, promise. Try and keep calm and relaxed. A proper heatwave is not something you want to fight against. When surviving the heat, no one has the energy for that in the heat anyway!

Enjoy your summer as much as you can even when keeping safe from coronavirus and socially distancing, make sure you wash your hands frequently when going out, and wear a face covering!

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Experiencing corrective leg surgery

Hey and a very good morning to you all. Today I want to tell you about an experience that has had a massive impact on my life. Sometimes In life, you end up doing things that you know deep down are just not what you wanna do. There are things that we do in life that we feel like we have no choice but to do them. Even when these are all opportunities for self-improvement. Although I wish we did sometimes life really has no handbook on whether we are making the right choices or not. For myself, one of the biggest decisions I have had to make is whether or not to have corrective leg surgery. Life-changing surgery.

I was born with twisted hips. I don’t actually know that we know what it was that caused my hips to be twisted but I know my parents knew was my hips were twisted from birth. It became apparent when I was a toddler I was walking with my feet faced inwards, and to me that was my natrual way of walking. Some people know this as pigeon toe. It was known from a toddler onwards that I may need corrective leg surgery in my life.

When I reached school age I started to have check ups with the hospital, and was referred for multiple rounds of physiotherapy to see If I could train my legs to walk straight without having to resort to the surgery.

This year I have been focusing on building my confidence a lot, check out my recent post about my confidence journey, here.

When I was a child I had to make one of the hardest decisions of my life. Before the age of 13 as well. Since it was my life and my body my parents left the desision primarily down to me. It was the decision whether or not to have corrective surgery on my hips. Corrective legs surgery would be having both of my legs broken at the hips by surgeons and set straight using pins.

corrective leg surgery

bullying was such a big part of my decision on having corrective leg surgery.

One of the things that persuaded me with my decision was the bullies. I went to an all-girl school, and I was just an easy target. The girls taunted me for not being able to walk straight. I will never forget the day that I was chased home from school by a group of girls in my year, laughing at the way I was walking, trying to catch me.

One of the girls managed to push me into a bush. The road home was a long straight road, and it felt neverending. I remember getting near to the end of the road and seeing this woman in her garden, I managed to grab her attention. She came to my aid as she got in the way of the girls, giving me a few extra seconds to get across the main road, and into the house where I locked the door straight away behind me. (my parents weren’t impressed, the school said it was a grey area of being something they could deal with/or the police. I didn’t want the police involved).

Another part of the decision to have surgery was the fact I was constantly falling over, I would have scabs on my knees from falling into the gravel (not that it’s has changed much, I still fall over nothing.)

I remember when I made the choice to have my legs surgically corrected I was 100% sure at the time. Even though I knew it was going to be a massive thing.

Having this surgery is a massive part of my past. One I often reflect on.

The first surgery took around 8 hours. 8 hours under the knife, where they reset both of my legs at the same time. Where the operation had taken so long I was then given a blood transfusion due to losing so much blood.
It makes me sad now. Because of that, I can’t give blood myself now.

The recovery from the surgery wasnt the most pleasent. I spent months in a wheelchair and bed. And then again on crutches. My legs had forgotten how to work, where I lost all my muscles from not using them, so I had to learn to walk again. I still remember the day I stoof up from the wheelchair for the first time since the operation. In my head I knew how to walk so I didnt even realise it was going to take so much to be able to return to normality. I think I thought I would be able to just stand up out of the wheelchair I’d been stuck in and just walk… as I said, it really didn’t work like that. 2 surgeries, months of being between crutches and a wheelchair I was finally back on my feet. Literally.

I’ve had problems with my health for a long time, Check out my post where I talk about the effects on my mental health, here.

It may have taken a long time. But I did get there. I still have a few problems with my hips now. Recently, I have been disagnosed with the beginning of atheritus in my hips. Which is a result of the surgeries I had when I was younger. I dont get the pain I’d gone through before, but the odd tingle. And of course not to mention the 2 double scars on each of my hips.

corrective leg surgery

Do I regret having the surgery?

This is a question that is so hard to answer. I wish I had of waited, yes. Having the surgery so young was something that has effected me in many ways. I should be taller than I am but then my body was spending more time healing then growing. I know that my dad does regret letting me go through with the surgery now. However, I don’t think it is something I can actually regret, as it had some positive aspects. I will admit that now though, I do agree that it has had more negative impacts on me than positive. If I could change anything, I would have had the corrective leg surgery a bit later in life.

I started thinking about the operation because it had been a major thing that I had got to experience. When I think about what I have achieved in my life so far, I feel that overcoming this was such a massive achievement, because I did it! I got through it.

Want to learn more about me? read my post 21 random things that you probably don’t know about me, here.

To me, it proves something major. Ok, I’m gonna be really cliche here. But if I can get through this. As well as half the other shit I’ve been through I can get through anything.

The past is who makes you who you are today, all the struggles and challenges happen for a reason, to build who you are today. This is just one thing like you will have one, and more things that will build you as a person! these experiences in life we should take the time to value and learn from.

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16 signs you are in a toxic relationship.

Trigger warning: Talking about abuse.
toxic relationship
img src: pexels

This topic is something very close to my heart. Going through emotional abuse in a relationship is something I have experienced. It’s a horrible thing to have to go through and the worst thing is actually realising that your relationship had been abusive. So today I wanted to share the signs that I was missing in a toxic relationship, in the hope that it will inspire strength in someone else.

Realising you are in a toxic relationship can be overwhelming and scary. You may feel trapped.

The harsh truth is this, if your even considering for one minute, you might be in a toxic relationship. The chances are your instinct is right. But you don’t feel sure. You do however feel trapped. I did, when I read a similar kind of post. It was like reading myself except someone else was telling it.

When you are in a relationship, you really don’t expect that the person who says they love you to treat you badly. Sadly, there are relationships where the person does not need to be physically assaulting you to be an abuser. For me, I didn’t know any better. Starting a relationship like this where I was young. I wanted to know better and be right about everything. Ofcourse.

Does this sound familiar to you?

Before we talk about some of the signs of a toxic, emotionally abusive relationship…

At first, the relationship starts out as perfect. They wrap you around their fingers. Create a false sense of happiness in a perfect relationship until they let their halo slip slowly. So a relationship that should be full of happiness, Memories and love is a relationship of depression. Arguments and fear.

Maybe you have had friends or family try to tell you that you are not being treated right. Are you listening to them? I doubt it. I wasn’t. It took me years to actually realise for myself. This wasn’t easy. It was an incredibly difficult time.

Myself, as a shy and I confident young adult, was listening to the lies and allowing myself to be given hope that the future would always be better. But nothing would ever change. Instead, it just got worse …

Need to move on from this post? Try why I blog, here.

Are you in a toxic relationship of emotional abuse?

pink and white flowers on white wall
Photo by Evie Shaffer on Pexels.com

They paint a perfect picture.

When you first get into the relationship they have already painted a perfect picture of their personality. They make out to be all these things you already know they aren’t but there still doing it. Creating an image that things will change and your gonna do this and that together. they’re planning holidays and future times. They make you feel loved and the happy times are so good that they weigh out the bad times.

They start arguments constantly.

How long was it before you had your first argument with your partner? Did you fall out and then wake up to an apology. Was it about something silly? But then a few weeks later again? It’s normal right? Couples argue. However, it keeps happening. And you find yourself constantly in heated moments of arguing. Again they find a way of making it all your fault. So you feel guilty. You hear it from their point of view. They tell you they argue because of how they feel. They shout and scream because they love you and you are hurting them. You don’t know what it is you have done but every time you argue they win.

They have already built up such a connection with you that you want it to last and your trust them, because why wouldn’t you?

You can’t trust what they say to you.

You trust them and then they finally slip up. They’ve been lying to you constantly. After a while you don’t know what to believe.

We all have suspicions at the best of times. But then again they are good at covering there tracks. Or at least they think they are. They have a backup excuse for everything they do.

Humiliates you, either alone or in front of other people.

One minute they tell you that you are everything to them, that your special, that you’re the only real one. The next they go out of their way to make you feel as small as a mouse.

They twist everything around to be everyone else’s fault(including yours), but never their own.

They turned vicious. Shouted. Screamed. Said all kinds of horrible things. Then they blame everything possible for what they did. Or maybe they did something and now that’s your fault too.

You hadn’t done anything. However, that does not matter. You have now been guilted into taking the blame, apologising for their behaviour. You don’t even notice them twist things round sometimes. It happens so much.

Belittles you and trivialises your hopes, dream and accomplishments

When your happy. Building your life. Going for that dream job or just being you. Your successful and they hate it. They try to bring you back down. Trying to break your confidence even more so then it already is.

Tries to control you and your behaviour

Being in a relationship does not mean they control you. But in a relationship filled with emotional abuse comes the aspect of being controlled. It’s not as simple as just being told what you can and can’t do either. They make you feel like you can’t breathe. You no longer feel like you are able to go out and have fun.

toxic relationship
Photo by Ylanite Koppens pexels

Isolates you from friends and family

They tell you they need you, that your selfish and you don’t spend enough time with them. Really you spend too much time with them, but they will do everything that they can to make you distance from your loved ones. It’s hard. You don’t want to be in yet another argument but you want to see your loved ones. Your friends are starting to fade away because your now known as the girl who doesn’t go out. Always having to make an excuse to leave.

They guilt you into staying with them. Or making it so hard to see these people because they are telling you that they should be good enough.

Keeping hold of friends during an abusive relationship is difficult. You are forced into making the wrong decision every time. They slate every single one of your friends. Making you feel like you have no choice but to make excuses on why you cant socialise. You really want to be out and having fun, but it is no longer worth the pain of being shouted at.

Blames you for their problems

Taking the blame for something is never easy, but sometimes we just need to own up. “Hey, Sorry that’s my fault”. Except they can never seem to take the blame, even for the little things. It is never their fault, so they blame you. For everything.

In fact they literally blame everyone else but themselves for everything that is wrong in their life. They do nothing for their own self improvement. They just crush your happiness because they are not happy with themselves.

Is unfaithful to you and becomes emotionally distant or withholds sex to control you.

You may not have read my post, the truth about being in a love triangle.

It was my reality. Being in a relationship with someone who dated someone else at the same time. In one way I will never regret the past because without it I would not be in love with my beautiful Emma. We were both controlled by the same person. Lied too. Kept secret. Being told every excuse under the sun to stop the truth from coming out.

They cheat and then blame you.

Being in a love triangle is a hard, and humiliating position. I wrote a post explaining my experience, here.

toxic relationship
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

They pressure you into being tied to them.

They go all out. Treat you. Make amends for their behaviour. Buy you something expensive and suddenly your in debt to them.

They tie you into being in a financial situation, it starts with something small then it goes up. They do it both way rounds. And suddenly you find yourself in a position where you feel trapped. You can’t walk away because you can’t afford to pay the fiance which they made you get.

They use you for money.

Carrying on from that, They have won again. Another guilt trip. You really tried to put your foot down this time but it didn’t work. Guilted into a situation. Guilted into taking out finance because they had already fucked their credit and it would be the only way. Leaving you with tons of debts and money owed left to right and centre. It doesn’t matter to them they are getting everything they want. Even if you have nothing.

So many relationships have been left leaving them with debts and financial issues. You feel used. You know you are being used. But you are stuck. I promise money is not a reason to stay in this relationship. Money is superficial.

Your not as important.

A relationship should be equal. Both people should be able to feel loved. And important.

When they are doing things it’s the most important thing in the world. They make you feel shit, because the things you are into are apparently pointless and have no meaning.

Lacks respect and point out your mistakes or shortcomings

You can’t make a mistake because it will be pointed out and used against you. Even if it’s something like falling asleep at 3am because you get kept awake every night as they constantly harass your phone, even though they are work.

Mental health and self-care are so important for your wellbeing, read my post on why self-care is so important, here.

If you relate to any of these in your relationship…

You may not want to hear it. Because they have so many excuses about why they are the way they are. They have gone through a bad time themselves. Endured abuse and bullying themselves. However, nothing actually justifies there actions. It is not ok to be treated this way, ever.

You are an amazing and wonderful human being and you deserve so much more than what you are receiving.

Love is not this. Breaking away from them would be the best action in your life.

It won’t be easy. They will try and tell you anything to get you back. But you are strong. You can do this.

Block them. And cut all contact. And if you think they may reach out to your loved ones to get to you. Ask them to block them also. Keep records of any interactions made in case. You never know what will happen.

They accuse you of being unfaithful constantly

Where are you? What are you doing? Who are you with? Are they constantly checking up on you? Asking you to send pictures just to prove where you are?

Accusing you of cheating because you didn’t answer your phone when they rung? Or you have not been able to answer a text message in their timely manner. It should never be like this.

They are normally accusing you because there doing the same thing. They think it will help them justify what they are doing to you.

You try to walk away but they won’t leave you alone until they have you back under there control.

You’ve finally broken. You don’t love them anymore. You’ve realised that it was never real love but they still have control over you because it’s all you’ve got. You don’t know any different. To walk away, had become a fear. You’ve got yourself in to deep and there are excuses you make yourself. I know.

You start to tell yourself you can get through this and it will be ok. Something always stops you walking. They start treating you better. Giving you what you need until they have the upper hand.

I promise you now. The 5 moments of happiness does not change what has been done. Neither does it change, how you have been treated.

toxic relationship
Photo by Aleksandar Pasaric on Pexels.com

Does any of this feel familiar to you?

I should have left this relationship months in. But I let it get worse. I wanted to be in a relationship and it was fear of being alone along with other deceptions that kept me going back. The situation just grew worse and my life became habit. I was miserable and I would never be able to explain why I thought I was doing the right thing in staying in a place so vile. Or how I was convinced to do so many things I did not want too.

If you are in a toxic relationship. I know it’s hard. You are scared to admit the truth. really, You don’t even want it to be the truth. You keep making excuses for their behaviour because you are scared. It’s now your normal. How will you cope afterwards? I promise you you can be happy.

My story may be different to yours but it’s all the same. Abuse is abuse. Life is so short. You deserve to live it happy. You deserve to find someone who will treat you right and be equal with. Just like I did.

I fell in love with my abusers girlfriend. We kept each other strong and finally walked away from a place neither of us wanted to be. I was lucky to have someone support me and make me strong..l

Thank you for taking the time to read this. If You are in a position you would like support with. I am not a councillor but I am always here to be a friend to someone who needs it. It’s never ok to feel alone.

What to remember if you are in a toxic relationship…

Only you can make the decision to walk away, and I know from experience. Walking away is hard. But you are stronger than you think, and you deserve happiness.

It may seem scary but do what’s best for you! You have people who love you and will support you during this difficult time.

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Love Crafts – Life is a wild ride cross stitch

This post contains gifted items. However all thoughts are my own.

I was absolutely filled with excitement when Sarah from Love Crafts contacted me for a collaboration with the opportunity to take a look at their craft kits.
As a massive lover of a variety of crafts, it is so nice to experience having a go at the different kits there are.

When I was a child I learnt how to cross-stitch. It was one of those things my mum taught me how to do when I was going through all my surgeries on my legs.

Back then my mental health wasn’t very good either. I was going through a time where I wasn’t able to walk whilst I recovered from surgery. So I went through a lot of cross stitch kits.
When lockdown started I decided to start picking up the cross stitch kits I had started a while ago. I hadn’t yet finished these because of a general lack of time and motivation.
Over the past few weeks, I have been posting on my Instagram my progress of this beautiful cross stitch kit!
Finally, I can tell you more about my experience with this kit and what I loved. As talking a bit about cross-stitching crafts positive impacts.

Cross stitch is so good for your positive wellbeing!

A while back I wrote an entire post on why crafting is good for your mental health, here. One of my favourite crafts that I find the best for my mental health and anxiety is cross-stitch. One of the things I absolutely love about cross Stitching is how its such a relaxing and therapeutic hobby. I am completely cross-stitching obsessed recently for that very reason. I really love being able to sit down and chill out for a few hours relaxed with some embroidery things. Stitching is a craft that is so relaxing. I would suggest it to anyone who is having stress or anxiety. This is an amazing method of release. Or of course, anyone that is just bored.

love crafts

So. let’s talk about the Love Crafts life is a wild ride kit that I completed.

The link to this specific kit is here.

One of the things I particularly loved about this kit is complete unique bold style.

One of the first things I really noticed when unpackaging this kit was the threads. The threads in this kit are absolutely lush! the vibrant colours are so bold and really stand out against the Aida. I also noted how soft and silky the threads are. The threads staid smooth the whole time that I was using them. which proves they are a really good standard thread. The silky texture made the threads easy to separate and generally I just felt they looked very neat throughout.

This kit is marked as intermediate. For cross stitchers who are more experienced/confident. However, I feel if you feel confident with counting the squares and stitch spaces, I would say that you would not have any problems completing this kit!

The kit took me a week to complete. Cross stitching for an hour or more every evening.

Its not just the Love Crafts kit I love…

Love Crafts run such a lovely website as well as shop. The Love Crafts website and social media are full of crafting tips and tricks. As well as this they have interviews with some pretty amazing crafters. I definitely suggest adding their blog to your bookmarks list, as I found there website rather inspiring as a crafter!

If you love crafts how about papercraft, check out how to make 3D roses with Cricut, Here.

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LGBTQ Pride – Talking sexuality

warning: I talk about sex in this post.

Good morning you beautiful human beings. Happy Saturday, Happy weekend, and a very happy pride month to you! The world has been such a scary and dark place in the last few months. From coronavirus to the unjustified killing of George Floyd. There is so much being said in the media at the moment about pride, and the Black lives matter campaign at the moment. The fact is all of this comes under the same umbrella. It does not matter if you are black, white, part of the LGBTQ community or not, you deserve equality.

So since June is Pride moth I really wanted to take the opportunity to talk about equality and my experiences I have faced as part of the LGBTQ community.

Human.Kind – Be Both!

What is Pride month and why do we have it?

Pride month is an LGBTQ Celebration that happens Every year, We celebrate pride in June because this is the month when the Stonewall Riots that took place back in 1969. The riots happened to protest the lack of equality towards members of the LGBTQ community.

At one stage it was illegal to be found in a same-sex relationship or ‘to be gay’, People were forced to keep their feelings secret towards one another a secret. Stonewall riots were held fighting for the human rights of the LGBTQ community. If it wasn’t for those riots happening. we would not be in the position now where we can celebrate love being love, that is a scary world I would not want to live in.

Various pride events are held during this special month all across the world, as a way of recognising the influence LGBTQ community has had on the world.

Love IS Love

LGBTQ

LGBTQ questions! answered 100% honestly.

What do you identify as?

I am a lesbian, simply. However, I have never really have liked to put labels on things like my sexuality. I am very open-minded and confident within my sexuality but honestly. I am a lesbian, and I would only ever be in a relationship with a female. I’m not saying that I have not slept with men, I have but I have never felt the urge to be in a relationship with a man.

How did you discover your sexuality?

I wouldn’t say I discovered my sexuality, does anyone actually discover it more than just know deep down from the start? Maybe, so for me, I feel like I knew always and as I developed into a young adult I explored my sexuality and thoughts more that I actually embraced it.
I’d been experimenting with my sexuality from around the age of 13. However, I was in my college years when I ‘discovered’ the LGBTQ community.

Who was the first person you told?

The first person I told was my cousin, who has always been my best friend. She has been there for everything and always supported me. We constantly get drunk together and chat, and put the world to rights kinda thing.
So one day I had been walking with her to pick her kiddies up from school. I just randomly dropped it into the conversation. I remember her pausing and saying ‘So are you telling me you are gay’ … ‘um yep’.
My cousin was one of the only people at the time that I just didn’t have fear to tell or open up too.

Mental health matters are so important, if you want to check out my latest mental health post, click here.

Describe what it was like coming out,

my experience of coming out was definitely different. Young and impressionable me had been involved with a girl, only for 2 weeks, who just happened to get in trouble with the police. One day I got a phone call requesting I come to the police station to make a statement against her. I arranged a time and date, as it was late.

As I walked down the stairs I realised straight away that I would need to tell my parents, So I tried to explain that my ‘friend’ was in trouble with the police and I needed to make a statement on what had happened. My dad honestly took that the worst. He forced me to ring the officer back up to say I would be coming straight away and off we went…

I was in college at the time, so on the way to the station I pleaded with my dad not to come in the room with me, I was fully capable of making the statement on my own. Well since that was never gonna happen I had to admit that I would have to tell the police that she was my girlfriend for 2 weeks and not friendship as I tried to say.

My dad’s original reaction was confusing as he said “we will deal with that later” and continued on about the police. Nothing got said for ages after.

If you’re out, How did your parents/guardians/friends react when you told them?

I have been very fortunate that most, if not all, my friends and family have been very supportive of me and my sexuality.
Previously I had thought that at times it had been more difficult for my mum to accept, but now that I am older, and see things a lot more clearly from the past recently, I think that it was not about the fact I was with a female or telling her I was gay, but it was who I was with that bothered her. admittedly I always used to think it was just being gay though.

What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality?

The biggest thing to ever annoy me is when someone ask how can the sex be the same without an ‘actual’ penis? UMMMMM. WHAT! Oh my goodness this question bugs me, you do not have to have a penis involved to enjoy sexual intimacy. I like to reply with, ‘Actually, its more intense and my sex is just as good if not better’ Just for the laughs 😉
Just because there is not a penis involved in a relationship does not mean that we are lacking intimacy.
It is all about the connection. What is better than such a deep and meaningful connection?

LGBTQ
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What’s your favourite thing about the LGBTQ + community?

One of my favourite things that I have noticed about the LGBTQ community is the sense of acceptance to each other. There is so much love for one another within the community, a natural sense of pride and belonging. to be accepted as who you are and the support others give to each and every person. I wish all humans were the same but not everyone agrees.

Have you ever been to a gay bar?

I’m not actually a very ‘clubby’ person, but I have been to a couple. my favourite being in my home town, The Edge in Southampton. everyone is so happy and confident to be who they are in there, and there is always something going on. Karaoke, dress up and drag queen nights.

Who is your favourite LGBTQ+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity?

I am absolutely obsessed with Ellen DeGeneres and I have been forever! She is just such a beautiful human being. The work and kindness that she has done for so many people (and animals) is a genuinely heartwarming fact I can’t think of anyone I know who doesn’t love Ellen. Ellen was known for making gay history as she came out in 1997 from the ‘professional gay closet’ and began fighting for LGBTQ rights. (read Making gay history article, here.)

Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet?

I am in a relationship and it is the most amazing happiest relationship I have been in… (I haven’t actually been in many relationships) Considering my past relationship had been filled with narcism and abuse.

How I and my beautiful Emma met is a really long story. We both were stuck in a miserable situation involving the same person, which brought our relationship so close. We are yet to even argue with each other.
The past few years We have had such an amazing time together. I can’t wait to become her wife. One day, I am planning to post the truth of one day. I could write so much that about the past. For now, I am going to answer this in short here.

The best thing about our relationship is that we were friends first before we fell in love. We have faced so much in our lives together and apart, that has made us who we are. However, I honestly would say is that the past has made us so bloody strong in our relationship. Every day I am filled with a grateful heart for our little family we have together. With our beautiful little pup.

We are due to get married soon. But I will be updating you on that soon.

Want to know more about me? How about reading my 21 things you probably didn’t know about me post, here.

Have you ever faced discrimination?

Sadly discrimination is so expected and I have experienced it more than a few times.

One particular time that I found hilarious was in the car park of Tescos. We were walking back to the car having done our shopping. I was holding Emma’s hand, and we were having a proper giggle at the time. We were walking back to the car we walked past a woman who must have been in her 40s/50s. She gave us the dirtiest look and muttered the word ‘disgusting’ at us as we were walking away.
Actually, I failed to hold my tongue this time.
I decided to clearly say in her earshot, ‘Well if she’s got something to say, come and say it to our face’… Oops!
Of course, the woman maturely reacted with some confrontational behavior, swearing at us and basically looking for a fight. Somehow when leaving we then ended up in a car standoff with us as she swore and screamed god knows what at us from that too.

Your Favourite LGBTQ+ movie or show?

Easy, The L Word. The very first series I had watched that involved the LGBTQ community.
I was absolutely obsessed with Alice, her bubbly personality, and the fact she is beautiful!

The most ridiculous thing you’ve heard about the LGBTQ+ community?

I have heard so many ridiculous ones but the worst one I had actually seen was from a facebook group (Yup I got in to yet another heated debate… apparently I like to voice my opinions when someone is being an idiot)

A discussion thread was opened in a group on facebook (which I am no longer part of). The thread was regarding the recent at the time announcement of Disney pride and the Mickey mouse ear hats in rainbow. I was disgusted to see a group of members saying that it was wrong for pride to be celebrated in a family orientated place, and that children should be shielded from the LGBTQ community until they are old enough to understand it.

It is ridiculous to say that a place as wonderful as Disneyland shouldn’t believe in equality and and diversity. No one should ever be made to feel they do not belong somewhere.

To me this is why we have so many unaccepting people in the world, they weren’t born as homophobic or racist or anything like that, they were taught to be this by people around them. People that would teach them negatively towards others, such as saying that this is not an acceptable way to be. It is BULLSHIT. We should be encouraging our future generations to know that love is love no matter what it looks like! and no adult is rubbing a relationship in a child’s face, being gay is not inappropriate it is a normal relationship just like a straight couple.

The LGBTQ+ slur you hate the most?

I think being called a ‘Dyke’ annoys me only when its been said as an attempt to cause offence but then thats because I just think, of all of the words they could of said, they couldnt of thought of something more origianl???.. Now its just a case of ‘Yep, Im a Dyke… and your point is?’.

End this on something you’d like to tell the world about LGBTQ+ Community.

Sometimes it can be really hard to stop considering everyone else, and what they may think or is someone will change their opinion on you, but honestly, this goes for so many things in life. Be yourself. hiding can cause such long term damage and no one deserves that. If someone doesn’t like who you are then whatever. Your real friends will be there still.

So that is about it…

If you decide to use these questions and answer them as part of your blog, I would love to hear what you answered to them, leave your post link in the comments below.

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Starting a youtube channel.

youtube

At the beginning of this year, I wrote a list of goals of things I wanted to achieve this year moving forward with my online presence and businesses. One of those goals connecting to improving my confidence was to start my very own youtube channel. It seemed like something I would really enjoy as I love to talk! I just had one massive hurdle that I would need to start overcoming. Yep, my confidence.

Read my 2020 goal post, here.

Sometimes it doesn’t matter how much you actually want to start a new project, something like confidence can hold you back so majorly. I have always found that my confidence has been my biggest letdown. So, I know it is about time that I really start pushing myself outside of my comfort zone. I mean no one would ever get anywhere if they didn’t push themselves for reachable goals. without goals we don’t tend to develop with our passions and hustles.

And it has actually been working so far!

Can you actually believe how much a small recording like this has really boosted my confidence this week! I didn’t think it was going to get such amazing feedback from my friends and family as it did. that doesn’t mean that I am not saying it is the perfect video because in no way is it, however, I really have started a journey that I am looking forward to seeing where it takes me. I am also looking forward to learning more about video editing.

Are you a confidence seeker as well? check out my bringing confidence into 2020 post, here.

I hovered over the upload video button for a while. I had recorded my very first youtube channel video on my phone a few days before but the confidence was something I was still struggling with before I could actually upload my little bubble of sunshine.

Here it is… My youtube channel AlexaJade blogs and My first video.

Want to see more videos from me? Hit subscribe on my youtube channel, here.

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Mental health awareness – let’s talk

Trigger warning: In this post I talk about depression and abuse.

Hey you. how are you doing? and honestly, I mean that. How are you actually doing right now? I want to know. A standard conversation for many of us but are we taking the ‘how are you’ phrase serious enough? Times are really different right now, and really hard on our mental health. The mental health awareness week is just coming to the end and although I feel like I am posting a bit late I have been talking on my socials a lot about this! mental health is so important to me I really couldn’t leave it. I thought today would be a great way to get into detail why mental health and being kind is so important to me.

The mental health awareness week is a great opportunity to really reflect on your own mental health and what you can do to improve your mental health. As well as teaching others the importance of mental health awareness. AND, the importance of kindness, and how we treat each other.

Has anyone ever made you feel like you are not worthy? like the feeling of not belonging? That you are alone.

You are not alone.

I am a survivor of abuse and bullying.

A survivor. I thought I would look up and check out the official meaning of the word. Actually, the definition of a survivor in this context is a person who copes well with difficulties in their life. Um, copes well. Does that mean I am lying? No.
Why would I think that? well, I wouldn’t say that I have ever coped well in these situations. I have always been filled with anxiety and depression, and it took me a long time to be strong enough to walk away from the person who was making my life a living nightmare.

Staying positive during lockdown is so hard, but it is so important. Read my post here.

Let me be clear, I am not writing this because I want pity. I don’t want sympathy, fuck that. I want you to know that I got through these things in life then and I am getting through the memories and damage of it now. So if I can, you can get through your experiences too.

These things happened, and they can make me stronger, I rebuild myself more and more everyday.

It is only in the past few weeks I have realised how damaged I had actually been feeling from my past and how I am not prepared to feel that way anymore. So I am focusing a lot on self-love, confidence and saying yes to being outside of my comfort zone.

That is bad right? I didn’t even realise how unconfident and shy I had become? It has been a scary but well-needed realisation.

Sometimes we really have to learn to be honest with ourselves, and take the time to review our past to actually move forward in the future.

This may sound like I am being drastic, but unfortunately, I am not. I have been through a lot of stuff in my life that really now, I think what the actual fuck. Why me? I am going to be completely honest with you. I was abused as a child, I’ve had constant health complications, bullied at school, I spent years in a wheelchair for my wonky hips, I self-harmed, I was in an abusive relationship and faced so many things of continuous stress in my life.

Told that I’m shit at things that I was doing, till I would stop. Loosing my friends because I wasn’t allowed to be friends with them, or I shouldn’t be spending time with anyone else. Basically being forced to loose myself and who I was as a person.

Why did I have to go through things that made me hurt and damaged? Do they not say that everything happens for a reason? what exactly was the reason to cause me so much pain? I spent so long thinking that it was all my fault for the way other people acted and treated me. It is harsh and upsetting to think back to those times (and there have been a few) Why did I let it get that bad? However, these things were things that really were not in my control. I could not have done anything to stop the past from happening. Realising that was a massive step in me growing and recovering.

It isn’t my fault, the past is not my fault.
We all do that right? Blame ourselves?

Is this sounding familiar to you? maybe you have gone through something similair. Abused or bullied in any form or anything that affected you and your mental health. We all experience different things in life, and let me be real with you. I am 1000% serious that, it is NOT your fault either.

Sometimes it is easy to live in your own little bubble and not realise what it is actually going on, you know you are being made to feel negative but you don’t realise how this is abuse and you shouldn’t be putting up with it.

Abuse comes in so many forms, And I have experienced them in many ways, and it has taken me many years to actually realise my own personal strength. I would love to help and support others going through the same thing.

mental health
Nothing but love

To stop caring what others think is such a powerful mindstate.

We should not be afraid of talking anymore. None of us are actually being open with how we are feeling. There is always something that we seem to hold back from the world. But why?

Rasism, homophobia, pointless bullying still exists. Yet the whole world is saying we need to support and love one another. Yet I still see people being hypocritical. They say how kindness matters and how to be themselves. Yet finds a way without even realising that words they have said have hurt someone.

We should not still be in a position where we are afraid to be who we are. Who cares if your fat, thin, black, white, gay, straight, religious, weird, unsocial, awkward. Why does it matter to anyone else? as long as you are happy and you feel content with your life, who are you effecting!

I don’t care if you are different, you are beautiful, and you need to hear it.

A relationship or friendship built on negative behaviour is not healthy.

Ending up in a relationship where the other person should have been kind, loving and supportive and realising it was actually abusive, narcissistic and controlling is a harsh reality. Sometimes it feels impossible to get away from these situations.

Someone like this puts so much effort in to making you feel loved and special, so that it then becomes ok to control you and put you down. they force you to believe that this is normal and ok, because they are doing it because they love you. they make you believe its your fault. This doesn’t just happen in relationships either. there are friendships based on one person putting the other down, because it makes them happy. They become jealous when you are doing well, and they do not want you to have that. So instead they feel your life with hatred and they really don’t care about the effects. They may not even realise that they do it.

You do not need this in your life.

You are not a belonging. You are so worthy of everything you want out of life.

I wish the whole world was on the same page, but the truth really is that this will never really go away.

Abuse is not just the physical act of being assaulted, although this is still a form of abuse. Emotional abuse can do so much more damage to someone. It made me laugh to think that some people believe that bullying/trolling is not abuse. If you are using words to intentionally hurt someone, you are being abusive. End of. there are no ifs, no but what-ifs, it is just not ok.

Mental health awareness means understanding your own mental health, as well as the mental health of others. By realising how your words could hurt another’s mental house, leading them down a path of self hate.

#KindnessMatters

Check out my post on how I have been using CBD oil to help with my anxiety here.

Don’t be afraid to speak up, and speak out.

It doesn’t matter who they are or how strong someone appears. We say not to judge a book by its cover, but yet we make assumptions that things are how they look by appearance.

Just because a person has a 100% positive and happy vibe on socials does not mean they are positive and happy all the time. What is behind the screen? you really do not know what is going on behind someones door.

Firstly, get rid of the toxic people in your life that don’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Do not allow people in your life that put you down, and don’t support you and your happiness.

Just by saying hello, asking if someone is ok today, asking if there is anything they need, or even just giving a completely random compliment you could be making a massive difference to someones day.

Think back to the last time you received a compliment. Even something as small as ‘Oh your top looks nice’. Think back to how that made you feel. Did you feel 1% more confident and positive that day? could you imagine a world with no negativity or abusive behaviour! we would all be so much stronger.

Do what is best for your mental health…

Support is out there…

If you feel down and in a position where you really don’t know what to do, there is plenty of support avenues our there but here is a list of some if you don’t know.

If you do not want to contact a support service such as the ones above, there are many other ways you can reach out for advice and support such as Twitter communities, Facebook Groups, venting apps, and forums. there are so many online groups and services that support and encourage mental health awareness, and support for everyone.

Even if you speak out anonymously to someone, this is still a good step.

Speak to me.

I always have time for those who reach out to me, and I make sure I reply to you when you do. So if you feel down and you need support send me a message on one of my socials. or pop an email to thealexajadeblog@gmail.com

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Staying positive during a lockdown.

We are officially over the 3 weeks into the lockdown that Boris Johnson announced on the 23rd Mach 2020. And then it has announced that the 3 weeks are turning to 6 weeks, as the time had been extended to stay put in our houses. Frankly, It has been a trying time for many of us And if we are honest, it could be even longer than that. So today I am talking something that it has been a battle for me in this period of uncertain times, being positive.

It is so easy to feel down and alone during this time that we can not see our loved ones. I battle with thinking negatively before I think positive all the time! it is something that really just can’t be helped. So during this time, it is becoming so important to focus on staying positive, as well as knowing that you are not alone and there is so much support out there. Together the world can get through anything with a positive attitude.

positive
I finished my cross stitch project due to lockdown boredom, and I am pretty chuffed with it.

You can read more about the coronavirus here.

Stay Connected with each other.

Lockdown is lonely. There is no argument about that. Both myself and Emma always say how we are people, people, Like we are always out and about seeing friends and family. So I completely understand how trying it is. However, we have an opportunity to be grateful for the technology we have. We really do have some amazing gadgets, and video calling is an invention that all of us are so grateful for right now.

Staying connected with your friends and family is so important. They are your support network and in these crappy times having a support network is amazing.
Video calls have seriously become my favourite. They can be so much fun and really allows us to feel like we are really part of something. Being able to see our loved ones virtually is basically the next best thing.

Focus on things that make you happy.

Set yourself new goals for your time inside! Who says you can’t be productive right now? Doing things that you enjoy can keep your mood uplifted since they tend to be things that we are already passionate about.
Whatever it is set specific times to do that activity, daily.

How about reading my post on creative things to do whilst in lockdown here.

Show your appreciation

Times are hard, for all of us and especially for our hard-working heroes. The key workers that are keeping our country operating. These are the emergency services, the Postman, The shop workers, the bin men and so many other roles to list. These people are outside working, they are risking their own lives at the hands of the virus to keep us safe, and our community to keep turning.

There are so many ways you can show appreciation to these people. Creating thank-you signs, Clapping and being kind just to name a few. I made a canvas for our window to be seen this week. The best thing is that by showing appreciation for what others are doing goes such a long way. You are putting a smile on someone who may be finding the hard work

Share what you are doing!

There are so many ways we can share with ur loved ones what we have been up too. Sharing statuses, chatting online! Sending photos, and videos!

TikTok has become my 2nd favourite (and most used on-screen time) app on my phone! Watching families mess around creating funny videos and completing challenges. I didn’t think I would end up posting anything! but I have already succumbed due to the awesomeness that TikTok has become.

Another thing, and something that we took part in this week. Video call with a group of friends and run a quiz! One of our friends did this with 5 of us this weekend, a music quiz. Oh, it was hilarious! it is our turn to run the quiz next!

Try not to dwell and be grateful for what you have.

I would be a hypocrite if I didn’t honestly admit that I have been doing a lot of this in the past few weeks, finding it really easy to feel down about the things that we have been missing, and the worrying about our wedding in September and the fact we still have a lot to do! I think about the wedding every day!

Every cloud has a silver lining.

It is very much easier said than done! when there is so much to worry about for so many of us, Money, Family, health etc. It is important to be appreciative of the things we do have and try not to focus on what we don’t. We all have a roof above our heads after all.

Lockdown won’t be forever, before we know it we will all be looking back and saying ‘Remember 2020 when we couldn’t leave our houses for months so video called ALOT’.

positive

Set goals to complete during this period.

I love setting goals and writing to-do lists of things I want to do. I’ve written my list of things I can do when I am bored and stuck in the house as well as my previous post about staying creative with activities during the pandemic, here.

The goals you set do not have to be extravagant. Always set goals that are achievable for you… and of course achievable during the lockdown period…

One goal that I am setting myself during the ‘Stay at home’ period is to create my first ever youtube video as this is something I have wanted to do for ages but it is out of my comfort zone.

Stay Safe as well as positive

Finally, as hard as this has been, Just remember that staying home is the safest option and we are all doing this together for the same reason! Preventing us from developing the covid19 virus, and allowing the NHS to cope, as they are already under such high pressure during the pandemic.

We are all in this together ☺ stay safe and happy everyone.

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Should you be considering taking CBD oil?

AD: This post contains affiliate links and gifted items. However, all thoughts and content are my own.
If you decide to try CBD oil, Bristol CBD are offering a fabulous 15% off with code “ALEXA15” on their website here.

Good morning everyone, Happy April! And positive thoughts to everyone who feels that they have been in isolation forever. We have certainly been feeling the effects that the Lockdown has on us. So I am feeling quite grateful this week as I am talking about something completely not Coronavirus related. Today I am taking CBD oil from Bristol CBD.

I had been really excited when Bristol CBD offered me the opportunity to test their CBD oil product. I have already been taking CBD for a while now and already know of the benefits. So to try a new brand new product is always exciting.

What is CBD oil?

For those of you that do not know what CBD is, it is a Cannabidiol. A food supplement that has been being used across the world to help aid health conditions.

The usage of CBD has been highly discussed and debated by many health officials as the most controversial supplement available. Mainly due to the source, being the Marijuana plant.

Cannabidiol may be sourced and extracted from the Marijuana plant paste, that lives within the flowers of the same plant as ‘weed’ however dose not contain the THC chemical which is often used by smoking. (So basically no you can’t get high off this). The WHO (World Health Organisation) stipulates that CBD oil is non-toxic, non-addictive and non-psychoactive product. 

Why I have been taking CBD.

I started to take CBD a few months ago when it was recommended to me by a friend who had been suffering from cramps and anxiety. So for me, it sounded like something worth trying, as I am always open to trying new natural methods of improving my pain symptoms and anxiety.

At first, I found the taste of CBD oil really hard to swallow. However, I have found that not giving up and persisting I got used to the taste pretty quickly.

The longer I have taken CBD oil the more I notice the benefits of the supplement, I feel more relaxed and this has been improving the continuous pain I’ve been having in my stomach.

I previously wrote a post explaining how being ill has affected my mental health, here. Some of these issues have improved since I started taking CBD oil in November, (After having written this post).

How do you actually use CBD oil?

To take CBD oil in liquid form, you need to take a few droplets under your tongue, 2 – 3 times a day. There are a variety of different percentages of CBD you can take. I have been taking 5% happily, which is also what Bristol CBD sent me.

CBD oil

What are the benefits of CBD oil?

The benefits of CBD oil are wide and varied and it is sold legally in the UK as a food supplement. CBD has been known to help with the symptoms of Anxiety Depression, Muscle Pain, Sickness and nausea from treatments such as chemotherapy, Acne and some other skin problems. The supplement has also been linked to having improvements for blood pressure and benefitting a persons heart and circulatory system.

What do I like about Bristol CBD?

Bristol CBD is such a caring and helpful shop. On their website, they say “We want everyone to be able to afford premium quality CBD oil” and honestly I have to agree. As I compare this to the high street and some other brands I have brought in the past. The CBD they supply is really good quality for the money it costs to buy. They also offer free delivery! which is an epic bonus!

The Bristol CBD team are really supportive, and informative about their product. I would highly recommend their CBD to any of my friends.

Don’t forget – If you decide to try CBD oil, Bristol CBD are offering a fabulous 15% off with code “ALEXA15” on their website here.

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How about checking out my post on how craft improves your mental health, here.

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