Good evening everyone! I thought I’d jump on and do a bit of a spare of the moment post as today is a special day in this house! our beautiful pup Bella has turned one today. (7 in Doggo years). This pup has made such a difference to our lives since we went and got her in August last year. I still can’t believe that we have had this little girl since she was just 8 weeks old. It still feels like two minutes ago that we were just picking her up, the excitement of taking her straight to the pet store just to get her like everything she would need.
Since we got a pet both myself and Emma have seen an improvement in our mental health, read why here.
She was the size our sky remote, absolutely tiny when we first got her, and although she has grown… I can hardly call her huge, she is still a diddy little thing. Personality-wise! she is AMAZING! she follows Emma around constantly and is just the most loving friendly doggo.
We did treat her like a princess today of course! We took a trip to the range yesterday and brought her some birthday treats, I mean a birthday means presents and cake, right? She is just one of us.
It was so cute giving her the presents and cake this morning. Bella was so excited and loves her little colourful fox!
It has been such a sunny and beautiful today. We’ve been sat in the sun and cooling off in the pool! Bella even went for a birthday paddle. The sun definitely has taken it out of her, as well as us. (So hot and so tired) bless her as she’s knackered curled up next to us at the moment.
Check out what we have been up too in lockdown, here.
I hope everyone is having a positive and safe time in the sun this week! It has been so lush! Just remember social distancing and staying safe, we are not quite out of the woods, yet.
Good morning my lovelies, I hope that you guys have been having a lovely week so far! I have noticed that spirits and positivity seem to be picking up now that we are allowed to have 6 people in the garden/meet at a park as well as a load of other confusing rules, that quite frankly make no sense. Depressingly the weather has been so shitty recently! Which is why I am praying that the weather picks up again! We have no time for rain right now! So I thought it was about time that I talked about life in lockdown, and what this situation has brought us in this house.
Lockdown has been trying so many of us, we’ve had our share of good days and bad. after a few weeks into lockdown, I decided to give a bit of a break from my normal monthly wrap-ups, So as I have not done a monthly update since the Covid-19 started really. Mainly because Lockdown has felt like a constant form of groundhog day. literally. So anyway, I thought it would be nice to share what we have actually been up too during the stay at home and stay safe period.
So what has life in lockdown brung?
Lockdown Street Parties
I feel like life in lockdown has been a blessing to get to know our neighbours so well, and so quickly! When the beautiful human ‘Crazy M‘ started bringing our street together by hosting music and dancing for our weekly Thursday claps, which then developed into street quizzes, bingo and a very drunken VE day picnic party.
(Crazy M has been our lockdown superhero, and I honestly suggest you check our her website, she is now offering virtual parties for kids birthdays and doorstop visits around the Hampshire area).
All of these street gatherings have been so amazing and not only brought us closer to our new neighbours but have also given us something to look forward to every week.
After a conversation with Crazy M one night, Emma also shared that I can sing. So with much persuasion and a bit of anxiety, I was able to sing in front of our street on many Thursday night claps, etc.
I have to give VE day a special mention because this party broke a lot of us! with so much alcohol and so many laughs (Yes at a social distance).
Connecting over FaceTime… A lot!
Personally, I have been making a lot of use of the video call feature on my phone recently. Even forcing my parents into answering a video call over the phone to see their faces. As well as general chats on video calls, we have had group calls with friends for virtual quiz nights! Which have been hilarious! especially when dressing up as an idiot for the video call.
A lot of crafting!
I have been busy finishing old projects and starting plenty of new ones during life in lockdown! I have been spending plenty of time in our craft room fiddling around with varies different projects! The pros of having our craft room are definitely having the assessability to all of our stashes! making it easier to just get things out instead of rummaging through boxes and trying to keep it compact.
I have been doing so many little projects as well as big ones. Ive learnt how to use a sewing machine! and I have some pretty major crafting plans for the next few weeks! so there is definitely more to come!
The bizarre shopping trips.
Well, I certainly did have to give this one a mention. To clarify I am talking about food shopping. Which going to the supermarket is no longer what it used to be! We’ve learnt that on a Tuesday (our shopping day) as we are shopping for 2 people, (Ourselves and Emma’s dad) that it is easier to get up for 8 am, just to avoid that masses of ques and be able to get our shopping over and done with! It is amazing the amount of effort that the stores are putting in place to keep us safe, from clear guards for the shop assistants to the arrows on the floors telling us what way to go. Sadly not everyone is so cautious at this point, and I constantly find myself getting pissed off as someone gets too close!
So many series have been watched.
If you saw my recent post on ‘13 things you need to watch on Netflix‘ you will already know that lockdown has left us watching a lot of Television. Even when we are doing things like me on the laptop, or cross-stitching away, the TV tends to be on. So we have been watching too many series catching up on the things that we have wanted to watch for ages.
I’m also having such fun with watching my childhood shows. I am completely addicted to watching old school programs on Disney+. I mean Hannah Montana, That’s So Raven, Lizzie McGuire, that kinda old school.
Refocusing my business mind.
When lockdown was introduced my online selling business took a pretty massive hit, which of course was unfortunate but very understandable due to the situation. Just like so many others I made the decision to close that businesses whilst this is going on. Also due to the fact that I have illnesses that are high risk and wanted to avoid going out as much as possible.
In the past few weeks I have been refocusing on my business plan and I am launching 2 new businesses. including my photography business ‘AlexaJade Snaps’ and my crafting business of ‘AlexaJade Creates’
It feels rewarding and productive that these are getting in motion finally. They are still in the building process! but I would rather be in that position than putting it off still. My mental health does tend to put me in a damper a lot recently. So I am proud to finally be fighting this.
Life in lockdown is something that so many of us have been struggling with… I have written a list of creative activities here, check them out and try something new!
Focusing on Self-growth.
This year when I posted my 2020 goals, I mentioned how I wanted to focus on my self-love and growth. I have always been the type of person to put myself down for everything possible. I realised I didn’t want to be like that any more and it was about time I realised how worthy I really am! Confidence is a really tricky thing to Master. If you have a natural confident personality then I admire you! but for so many of us, we are learning to fake it till we make it! which is completely fine. I have been taking extra time to focus on the reasons to be positive about myself, which is slowly helping my confidence, motivation and mental health. I have been posting more pictures of myself full length which is something I would always avoid before.
Lockdown may not be completely over, but as things slowly return to ‘the new normal’. Positivity is definitely flowing a lot more right now!
I think so of life right now is just growing acceptance. Acceptance to change and adapting to life in a positive way whilst the world is pretty much upside down.
Thank you beautiful people for reading my little update! Hope you are having a safe time, and our staying strong. I love you all.
Good morning you beautiful human beings. Happy Saturday, Happy weekend, and a very happy pride month to you! The world has been such a scary and dark place in the last few months. From coronavirus to the unjustified killing of George Floyd. There is so much being said in the media at the moment about pride, and the Black lives matter campaign at the moment. The fact is all of this comes under the same umbrella. It does not matter if you are black, white, part of the LGBTQ community or not, you deserve equality.
So since June is Pride moth I really wanted to take the opportunity to talk about equality and my experiences I have faced as part of the LGBTQ community.
Human.Kind – Be Both!
What is Pride month and why do we have it?
Pride month is an LGBTQ Celebration that happens Every year, We celebrate pride in June because this is the month when the Stonewall Riots that took place back in 1969. The riots happened to protest the lack of equality towards members of the LGBTQ community.
At one stage it was illegal to be found in a same-sex relationship or ‘to be gay’, People were forced to keep their feelings secret towards one another a secret. Stonewall riots were held fighting for the human rights of the LGBTQ community. If it wasn’t for those riots happening. we would not be in the position now where we can celebrate love being love, that is a scary world I would not want to live in.
Various pride events are held during this special month all across the world, as a way of recognising the influence LGBTQ community has had on the world.
Love IS Love
LGBTQ questions! answered 100% honestly.
What do you identify as?
I am a lesbian, simply. However, I have never really have liked to put labels on things like my sexuality. I am very open-minded and confident within my sexuality but honestly. I am a lesbian, and I would only ever be in a relationship with a female. I’m not saying that I have not slept with men, I have but I have never felt the urge to be in a relationship with a man.
How did you discover your sexuality?
I wouldn’t say I discovered my sexuality, does anyone actually discover it more than just know deep down from the start? Maybe, so for me, I feel like I knew always and as I developed into a young adult I explored my sexuality and thoughts more that I actually embraced it. I’d been experimenting with my sexuality from around the age of 13. However, I was in my college years when I ‘discovered’ the LGBTQ community.
Who was the first person you told?
The first person I told was my cousin, who has always been my best friend. She has been there for everything and always supported me. We constantly get drunk together and chat, and put the world to rights kinda thing. So one day I had been walking with her to pick her kiddies up from school. I just randomly dropped it into the conversation. I remember her pausing and saying ‘So are you telling me you are gay’ … ‘um yep’. My cousin was one of the only people at the time that I just didn’t have fear to tell or open up too.
Mental health matters are so important, if you want to check out my latest mental health post, click here.
Describe what it was like coming out,
my experience of coming out was definitely different. Young and impressionable me had been involved with a girl, only for 2 weeks, who just happened to get in trouble with the police. One day I got a phone call requesting I come to the police station to make a statement against her. I arranged a time and date, as it was late.
As I walked down the stairs I realised straight away that I would need to tell my parents, So I tried to explain that my ‘friend’ was in trouble with the police and I needed to make a statement on what had happened. My dad honestly took that the worst. He forced me to ring the officer back up to say I would be coming straight away and off we went…
I was in college at the time, so on the way to the station I pleaded with my dad not to come in the room with me, I was fully capable of making the statement on my own. Well since that was never gonna happen I had to admit that I would have to tell the police that she was my girlfriend for 2 weeks and not friendship as I tried to say.
My dad’s original reaction was confusing as he said “we will deal with that later” and continued on about the police. Nothing got said for ages after.
If you’re out, How did your parents/guardians/friends react when you told them?
I have been very fortunate that most, if not all, my friends and family have been very supportive of me and my sexuality. Previously I had thought that at times it had been more difficult for my mum to accept, but now that I am older, and see things a lot more clearly from the past recently, I think that it was not about the fact I was with a female or telling her I was gay, but it was who I was with that bothered her. admittedly I always used to think it was just being gay though.
What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality?
The biggest thing to ever annoy me is when someone ask how can the sex be the same without an ‘actual’ penis? UMMMMM. WHAT! Oh my goodness this question bugs me, you do not have to have a penis involved to enjoy sexual intimacy. I like to reply with, ‘Actually, its more intense and my sex is just as good if not better’ Just for the laughs 😉 Just because there is not a penis involved in a relationship does not mean that we are lacking intimacy. It is all about the connection. What is better than such a deep and meaningful connection?
What’s your favourite thing about the LGBTQ + community?
One of my favourite things that I have noticed about the LGBTQ community is the sense of acceptance to each other. There is so much love for one another within the community, a natural sense of pride and belonging. to be accepted as who you are and the support others give to each and every person. I wish all humans were the same but not everyone agrees.
Have you ever been to a gay bar?
I’m not actually a very ‘clubby’ person, but I have been to a couple. my favourite being in my home town, The Edge in Southampton. everyone is so happy and confident to be who they are in there, and there is always something going on. Karaoke, dress up and drag queen nights.
Who is your favourite LGBTQ+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity?
I am absolutely obsessed with Ellen DeGeneres and I have been forever! She is just such a beautiful human being. The work and kindness that she has done for so many people (and animals) is a genuinely heartwarming fact I can’t think of anyone I know who doesn’t love Ellen. Ellen was known for making gay history as she came out in 1997 from the ‘professional gay closet’ and began fighting for LGBTQ rights. (read Making gay history article, here.)
Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet?
I am in a relationship and it is the most amazing happiest relationship I have been in… (I haven’t actually been in many relationships) Considering my past relationship had been filled with narcism and abuse.
How I and my beautiful Emma met is a really long story. We both were stuck in a miserable situation involving the same person, which brought our relationship so close. We are yet to even argue with each other. The past few years We have had such an amazing time together. I can’t wait to become her wife. One day, I am planning to post the truth of one day. I could write so much that about the past. For now, I am going to answer this in short here.
The best thing about our relationship is that we were friends first before we fell in love. We have faced so much in our lives together and apart, that has made us who we are. However, I honestly would say is that the past has made us so bloody strong in our relationship. Every day I am filled with a grateful heart for our little family we have together. With our beautiful little pup.
We are due to get married soon. But I will be updating you on that soon.
Want to know more about me? How about reading my 21 things you probably didn’t know about me post, here.
Have you ever faced discrimination?
Sadly discrimination is so expected and I have experienced it more than a few times.
One particular time that I found hilarious was in the car park of Tescos. We were walking back to the car having done our shopping. I was holding Emma’s hand, and we were having a proper giggle at the time. We were walking back to the car we walked past a woman who must have been in her 40s/50s. She gave us the dirtiest look and muttered the word ‘disgusting’ at us as we were walking away. Actually, I failed to hold my tongue this time. I decided to clearly say in her earshot, ‘Well if she’s got something to say, come and say it to our face’… Oops! Of course, the woman maturely reacted with some confrontational behavior, swearing at us and basically looking for a fight. Somehow when leaving we then ended up in a car standoff with us as she swore and screamed god knows what at us from that too.
Your Favourite LGBTQ+ movie or show?
Easy, The L Word. The very first series I had watched that involved the LGBTQ community. I was absolutely obsessed with Alice, her bubbly personality, and the fact she is beautiful!
The most ridiculous thing you’ve heard about the LGBTQ+ community?
I have heard so many ridiculous ones but the worst one I had actually seen was from a facebook group (Yup I got in to yet another heated debate… apparently I like to voice my opinions when someone is being an idiot)
A discussion thread was opened in a group on facebook (which I am no longer part of). The thread was regarding the recent at the time announcement of Disney pride and the Mickey mouse ear hats in rainbow. I was disgusted to see a group of members saying that it was wrong for pride to be celebrated in a family orientated place, and that children should be shielded from the LGBTQ community until they are old enough to understand it.
It is ridiculous to say that a place as wonderful as Disneyland shouldn’t believe in equality and and diversity. No one should ever be made to feel they do not belong somewhere.
To me this is why we have so many unaccepting people in the world, they weren’t born as homophobic or racist or anything like that, they were taught to be this by people around them. People that would teach them negatively towards others, such as saying that this is not an acceptable way to be. It is BULLSHIT. We should be encouraging our future generations to know that love is love no matter what it looks like! and no adult is rubbing a relationship in a child’s face, being gay is not inappropriate it is a normal relationship just like a straight couple.
The LGBTQ+ slur you hate the most?
I think being called a ‘Dyke’ annoys me only when its been said as an attempt to cause offence but then thats because I just think, of all of the words they could of said, they couldnt of thought of something more origianl???.. Now its just a case of ‘Yep, Im a Dyke… and your point is?’.
End this on something you’d like to tell the world about LGBTQ+ Community.
Sometimes it can be really hard to stop considering everyone else, and what they may think or is someone will change their opinion on you, but honestly, this goes for so many things in life. Be yourself. hiding can cause such long term damage and no one deserves that. If someone doesn’t like who you are then whatever. Your real friends will be there still.
So that is about it…
If you decide to use these questions and answer them as part of your blog, I would love to hear what you answered to them, leave your post link in the comments below.
At the beginning of this year, I wrote a list of goals of things I wanted to achieve this year moving forward with my online presence and businesses. One of those goals connecting to improving my confidence was to start my very own youtube channel. It seemed like something I would really enjoy as I love to talk! I just had one massive hurdle that I would need to start overcoming. Yep, my confidence.
Sometimes it doesn’t matter how much you actually want to start a new project, something like confidence can hold you back so majorly. I have always found that my confidence has been my biggest letdown. So, I know it is about time that I really start pushing myself outside of my comfort zone. I mean no one would ever get anywhere if they didn’t push themselves for reachable goals. without goals we don’t tend to develop with our passions and hustles.
And it has actually been working so far!
Can you actually believe how much a small recording like this has really boosted my confidence this week! I didn’t think it was going to get such amazing feedback from my friends and family as it did. that doesn’t mean that I am not saying it is the perfect video because in no way is it, however, I really have started a journey that I am looking forward to seeing where it takes me. I am also looking forward to learning more about video editing.
Are you a confidence seeker as well? check out my bringing confidence into 2020 post, here.
I hovered over the upload video button for a while. I had recorded my very first youtube channel video on my phone a few days before but the confidence was something I was still struggling with before I could actually upload my little bubble of sunshine.
Here it is… My youtube channel AlexaJade blogs and My first video.
Want to see more videos from me? Hit subscribe on my youtube channel, here.
With us all being at home so much in the past few months, we have been resorting to the television quite a lot. So a lot of our time has been spent watching Netflix, can you blame us? I am not gonna lie though, Netflix really has been the best for video streaming. There is so much choice on what to watch and Both myself and Emma have found us completely hooked on these series.
Most of these are Netflix originals.
1. Tiger King
Without even commenting on the wardrobe of Joe, Tiger King just had to sit at the top of the list for me. Truly an outrages man is Joe Exotic who runs/owns his own family of tigers. The series is a documentary that reveals the feud between Joe Exotic and Carole Baskin, Joes tiger owner rival. Carole is accused of killing her former husband who mysteriously disappeared. Seriously, Everyone is talking about Tiger King, if you haven’t watched it yet, You NEED too.
“Carole Baskin. Killed her husband, whacked him. Can’t convince me that it didn’t happen. Fed him to tigers, they snacking.”
If you are not busy watching Netflix series what else are you doing? How about reading lockdown activity suggestions, here.
2. Too hot to handle
A group of the hottest & horniest girls and guys put together in a villa, and told they can not have sex, cannot touch, and no kissing. What could go wrong? well If they break the rules, money is deducted from the jackpot! Absolutely brilliant and hilarious series! similar to Love Island, or Ex on the beach! so if you are into those I would definitely suggest watching Too hot to Handle.
3. American Horror Story
AHS is a brilliant series for anyone who loves a bit of weird and wonderful. I was so excited when I found out I could watch AHS from the beginning on Netflix. There is plenty of blood, plenty of murder, and I would say a lot of weirdness. I absolutely have loved watching AHS from the beginning again.
4. Sex Education
Average schoolboy, trying to make it through high school years. His mum is a sex therapist. Before he knows it he’s being paid by fellow classmates for sex advice… The young sex councillor who is still a virgin! This series kept leaving me in stitches.
5. The Stranger
From the very first episode I was wanting more and more, there is so many twists, and lack of expectations leaving you wanting more. Could you imagine having a stranger come from out of nowhere and start revealing personal secrets connected to you? Having your life completely turned upside down. Then to face your partner’s disappearance as more lies unveil.
6. Brew Brothers
Two rather immature brothers fighting to keep a brewery from going out of business. It is a fantastic comedy, for a Netflix original. I only put this on as we were having a day where we couldn’t find anything to do or watch and we were at the point we were feeling a bit like we had outwatched Netflix. However, I really don’t think it is possible to outwatch Netflix, especially not when there are so many golden nuggets like this little show.
The infamous Joe, Book shop manager. Friend? Boyfriend? psychopath? Cold-blooded killer? He is all of the above and more. The man who would do absolutely anything for love. Joe falls in love with Beck, Stalks her till she is his. An awkward romance becomes something even more sinister when the writer Beck, becomes the obsession. Using social media and the internet, he uses every tool at his disposal to become close to her, even going so far as to remove any obstacle and any person that stands in his way of getting to her. I completely rate watching You, its a brilliant series.
8. The Good Place
Anyone else loves a comedy series? I promise I am not always watching dark and weird, I also love inspiring and funny! The good place is definitely funny. A group of people sent to a good place supposedly to be their very own heaven! but they soon work out that the ‘good’ place is not quite what it seems! Without giving too much away! this is such a good series.
9. Girl Boss
When I watched Girl Boss, I was absolutely left inspired by Sophia Amoruso. It all started with a jacket. Which she sold on eBay for way more than she purchased it from when she brought it from a vintage thrift store. Sophia started her empire from nothing, broke girl turning girl boss. She is Nasty Gal. A now huge business that sells fashion clothes. After I watched this I brought the book straight away! if you are in the need of some creative inspiring than watch Girl Boss!
10. 13 Reasons why
13 Reasons why is one of the netflix series I literally was glued to for a few days! Literally because I binged on it so much! I had watched it within 3 days. The character ‘Hannah’ leaves 13 tapes, after her death, explaining why she took her own life. So many people involved, as we watch the journey of naive ‘clay’ as he listens to the videos.
Mental health is something that is so close to my heart, how about checking out my recent post on mental health awareness week, here.
I was absolutely hooked on Sabrina the Teenage witch! So I was absolutely buzzing when this came out! were now a few seasons in and Sabrina has not been letting us down! a so much more adult and darker version of the original Sabrina the teenage witch! Just one warning though, if your looking for it to be funny and light-hearted this is not for you!
Can you imagine waking up dead?? like literally you are now a zombie, and you need to survive by eating brains, but the only way you can taste any flavour is to have extra hot sauce all over the brains. This is a brilliant series where not only does Liv use the brains of the people sent to the mortuary where she already worked! she then sees visions of how the person died! And obtains that persons personality, whilst she solves crime!
13. Santa Clarita Diet
Ok yep, another series that involves zombies/grossness. I see a theme with my favourite programs lately! but Santa Clarita diet is another ‘Horror comedy” making my list! This one is so funny! Turned zombie mum keeps up her perfect appearances as well as eating people. it doesn’t take long to arouse suspicion from the neighbours!
Admittedly after all this, we have now downloaded the entire box set of Keeping up with the Kardashians!
I would love to hear what you have been watching whilst stuck in lockdown? I love new suggestions on what to watch, and I probably will get to them still.
Happy Monday guys. I can not believe that it was 3 years ago that I started my blogging journey with AlexaJade.co.uk. They do say time flies when you are having fun. Well for me blogging and life have been a rollercoaster of emotions not just ‘fun’. I have not written a birthday post for my blog before but I was so shocked to realise last month that this year was 3 years of AlexaJade blogging. So this post is just a short message appreciating my blog as well as expressing happy birthday to AlexaJade.
Happy Birthday, AlexaJade.co.uk.
In the past 3 years, I have had so many ups and downs in my life. As I was reminded that my blog birthday was coming up I took some time to look back over my posts.
If you are one of my regular readers you will know how that the last year and a half I have struggled with my health. Meaning I had to leave my job. I thought I was gonna be depressed and have to start a job I didn’t like. However, as I reflect on my health the things that have been going on have encouraged me to really focus on what I want out of life. The actual want to be my own boss is slowly becoming a dream come true.
It is so funny how much life changes and how you grow with your hobbies and passions. Some would say it is impossible! However, the more you work on your passions the further you will get in life! Stop fighting for what you don’t need in life and fight for what you want in life. Oh, and you are never too old to start something new! I hate to hear people using their age as a reason not to step outside of their comfort zone!
Blogging has given me Fabulous new opportunities and a way of thinking as I definitely feel that since I have been blogging my blog has had a positive effect on my mental health!
So hopefully in a few years time I will have celebrated tons of blog birthday’s and plenty of milestones! I hope you guys are working just as hard on your dreams! don’t let anything stop you! you are amazing.
Trigger warning: In this post I talk about depression and abuse.
Hey you. how are you doing? and honestly, I mean that. How are you actually doing right now? I want to know. A standard conversation for many of us but are we taking the ‘how are you’ phrase serious enough? Times are really different right now, and really hard on our mental health. The mental health awareness week is just coming to the end and although I feel like I am posting a bit late I have been talking on my socials a lot about this! mental health is so important to me I really couldn’t leave it. I thought today would be a great way to get into detail why mental health and being kind is so important to me.
The mental health awareness week is a great opportunity to really reflect on your own mental health and what you can do to improve your mental health. As well as teaching others the importance of mental health awareness. AND, the importance of kindness, and how we treat each other.
Has anyone ever made you feel like you are not worthy? like the feeling of not belonging? That you are alone.
You are not alone.
I am a survivor of abuse and bullying.
A survivor. I thought I would look up and check out the official meaning of the word. Actually, the definition of a survivor in this context is a person who copes well with difficulties in their life. Um, copes well. Does that mean I am lying? No. Why would I think that? well, I wouldn’t say that I have ever coped well in these situations. I have always been filled with anxiety and depression, and it took me a long time to be strong enough to walk away from the person who was making my life a living nightmare.
Staying positive during lockdown is so hard, but it is so important. Read my post here.
Let me be clear, I am not writing this because I want pity. I don’t want sympathy, fuck that. I want you to know that I got through these things in life then and I am getting through the memories and damage of it now. So if I can, you can get through your experiences too.
These things happened, and they can make me stronger, I rebuild myself more and more everyday.
It is only in the past few weeks I have realised how damaged I had actually been feeling from my past and how I am not prepared to feel that way anymore. So I am focusing a lot on self-love, confidence and saying yes to being outside of my comfort zone.
That is bad right? I didn’t even realise how unconfident and shy I had become? It has been a scary but well-needed realisation.
Sometimes we really have to learn to be honest with ourselves, and take the time to review our past to actually move forward in the future.
This may sound like I am being drastic, but unfortunately, I am not. I have been through a lot of stuff in my life that really now, I think what the actual fuck. Why me? I am going to be completely honest with you. I was abused as a child, I’ve had constant health complications, bullied at school, I spent years in a wheelchair for my wonky hips, I self-harmed, I was in an abusive relationship and faced so many things of continuous stress in my life.
Told that I’m shit at things that I was doing, till I would stop. Loosing my friends because I wasn’t allowed to be friends with them, or I shouldn’t be spending time with anyone else. Basically being forced to loose myself and who I was as a person.
Why did I have to go through things that made me hurt and damaged? Do they not say that everything happens for a reason? what exactly was the reason to cause me so much pain? I spent so long thinking that it was all my fault for the way other people acted and treated me. It is harsh and upsetting to think back to those times (and there have been a few) Why did I let it get that bad? However, these things were things that really were not in my control. I could not have done anything to stop the past from happening. Realising that was a massive step in me growing and recovering.
It isn’t my fault, the past is not my fault. We all do that right? Blame ourselves?
Is this sounding familiar to you? maybe you have gone through something similair. Abused or bullied in any form or anything that affected you and your mental health. We all experience different things in life, and let me be real with you. I am 1000% serious that, it is NOT your fault either.
Sometimes it is easy to live in your own little bubble and not realise what it is actually going on, you know you are being made to feel negative but you don’t realise how this is abuse and you shouldn’t be putting up with it.
Abuse comes in so many forms, And I have experienced them in many ways, and it has taken me many years to actually realise my own personal strength. I would love to help and support others going through the same thing.
To stop caring what others think is such a powerful mindstate.
We should not be afraid of talking anymore. None of us are actually being open with how we are feeling. There is always something that we seem to hold back from the world. But why?
Rasism, homophobia, pointless bullying still exists. Yet the whole world is saying we need to support and love one another. Yet I still see people being hypocritical. They say how kindness matters and how to be themselves. Yet finds a way without even realising that words they have said have hurt someone.
We should not still be in a position where we are afraid to be who we are. Who cares if your fat, thin, black, white, gay, straight, religious, weird, unsocial, awkward. Why does it matter to anyone else? as long as you are happy and you feel content with your life, who are you effecting!
I don’t care if you are different, you are beautiful, and you need to hear it.
A relationship or friendship built on negative behaviour is not healthy.
Ending up in a relationship where the other person should have been kind, loving and supportive and realising it was actually abusive, narcissistic and controlling is a harsh reality. Sometimes it feels impossible to get away from these situations.
Someone like this puts so much effort in to making you feel loved and special, so that it then becomes ok to control you and put you down. they force you to believe that this is normal and ok, because they are doing it because they love you. they make you believe its your fault. This doesn’t just happen in relationships either. there are friendships based on one person putting the other down, because it makes them happy. They become jealous when you are doing well, and they do not want you to have that. So instead they feel your life with hatred and they really don’t care about the effects. They may not even realise that they do it.
You do not need this in your life.
You are not a belonging. You are so worthy of everything you want out of life.
I wish the whole world was on the same page, but the truth really is that this will never really go away.
Abuse is not just the physical act of being assaulted, although this is still a form of abuse. Emotional abuse can do so much more damage to someone. It made me laugh to think that some people believe that bullying/trolling is not abuse. If you are using words to intentionally hurt someone, you are being abusive. End of. there are no ifs, no but what-ifs, it is just not ok.
Mental health awareness means understanding your own mental health, as well as the mental health of others. By realising how your words could hurt another’s mental house, leading them down a path of self hate.
Check out my post on how I have been using CBD oil to help with my anxiety here.
Don’t be afraid to speak up, and speak out.
It doesn’t matter who they are or how strong someone appears. We say not to judge a book by its cover, but yet we make assumptions that things are how they look by appearance.
Just because a person has a 100% positive and happy vibe on socials does not mean they are positive and happy all the time. What is behind the screen? you really do not know what is going on behind someones door.
Firstly, get rid of the toxic people in your life that don’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Do not allow people in your life that put you down, and don’t support you and your happiness.
Just by saying hello, asking if someone is ok today, asking if there is anything they need, or even just giving a completely random compliment you could be making a massive difference to someones day.
Think back to the last time you received a compliment. Even something as small as ‘Oh your top looks nice’. Think back to how that made you feel. Did you feel 1% more confident and positive that day? could you imagine a world with no negativity or abusive behaviour! we would all be so much stronger.
Do what is best for your mental health…
Support is out there…
If you feel down and in a position where you really don’t know what to do, there is plenty of support avenues our there but here is a list of some if you don’t know.
If you do not want to contact a support service such as the ones above, there are many other ways you can reach out for advice and support such as Twitter communities, Facebook Groups, venting apps, and forums. there are so many online groups and services that support and encourage mental health awareness, and support for everyone.
Even if you speak out anonymously to someone, this is still a good step.
Speak to me.
I always have time for those who reach out to me, and I make sure I reply to you when you do. So if you feel down and you need support send me a message on one of my socials. or pop an email to firstname.lastname@example.org ❤
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