Ive been a bit out of it with everything for the last month. I literally have done no blogging! no scrapbooking! no craft at all!
Ive had nearly a month of life change. with everything being up in the air.
So as figures its about time I start focusing on things in life that really matter. My concentration has been so bad after everything that has happened has been awful everywhere. Including work.
I was talking to a work pal yesterday about their experiences. They had gone through the same thing. They had had enough of the way their own life was so they left. Sounds really familiar right now.
Its horrible to have a feeling of being watched, that everything you are doing and going to do is being stalked. I found a quote. You may think you know, but you don’t. Unless you are in the brain of someone twenty four seven, you honestly really don’t know what they are going through yet alone what they are thinking! Whats sad is it isn’t the first time Ive felt this way. This has been going on for months in different ways.
No matter what happens in life you should remember the most important thing. You are strong.
Its something I never thought I would ever believe. But with the right support network, and people by your side you really will get to where you want to be.
Happy Thursday! it is nearly the weekend, and I am trying to put my tough rollercoaster ride of life to the side and think positive! Waheyyyyy. Today’s happy vibe comes directly from a small trip to Poundland.
Poundland is just one of those shops that we all secretly have that love for. I mean how wrong can you go at anything for just a single pound! I’m not wrong now am I? Doesn’t matter if you pop in just to grab your essentials or as I’m often saying, I’ll have a quick look and only spend a fiver, it seems to be that you can find too many nice things! Especially recently. Especially if you are a stationery lover like me! Even though I have left school long ago now this is still my favourite time of year! the shops are fighting for the attention of anyone going back to school with numerous back to school sets and styles.
So my recent trip to Poundland left me with all these goodies! and I’m pretty chuffed. pretty rose gold, pinky colours. which is totally my favourite right now! I’m not gonna lie I have enough stationery and probably enough notebooks to fill an entire bookshelf, but I can never seem to get enough beautiful stationery!… Its defiantly worth a trip a month, or more. Not just stationary, but I’ve recently found some amazing home decor bits.
Have you read my post on climbing mountains? here.
we all know that Sunday’s are meant to be the lazy day of the weekend. Well for me that’s only partly true. I don’t actually think I can remember the last fully happy weekend I actually had.
I’m always trying to be a positive writer. Well the truth is, it’s hard for me to be. I sometimes feel I lack my addictive sparkle, and my life came right out of an yet to be shown Eastenders episode.
Life is full of twists. Dramas. Complicating factors and hurt.
Don’t get me wrong. I get times where I can share happy moments with the one I love but it’s just not always. Like it should be.
Lately weekends in general are a continuum of arguments and hurt, leading to stress, anxiety and the odd migraines.
Im 100% certain that I am not the only person in this world to have weekend routines. BUT and this is a big BUT, when you sit comfortably on the sofa with your cup of coffee scrolling on Facebook through your phone looking at the fabulous excitements that the rest of the word seem to be having it does get a bit mind numbingly depressing.
Ive been thinking of plans, dream and goals a lot lately (as well as the future that I almost have in my grasps) to realise that maybe some optimistic planning and goal setting could be the way to go! SO my new goal this week is to have one new thing each weekend!… I am in no way saying it has to be huge.. but even a simple walk somewhere new would seem a massive adventure!
Sometimes In life you end up doing things that you know deep down are just not what you wanna do.
It could be anything from not really being bothered to do the washing up one day to being dragged to the shops against your own will.
Admittedly we all have choices and the option to make these choices aren’t always easy, not everything in life is as easy as 1-2-3.
When I was a child I had to make the hardest decision of my life. Before the age of 13 that was. It was the decision to have corrective surgery. This was the choice to have both my legs broken by surgeons and set straight. It was done in my hips and meant I would no longer walk with my toes pointing inwards.
One of the things that helped me with my decision was the bullies. The girls that taunted me for not being able to walk straight. I remember the day that one girl imparticular followed me home from school. She was chasing me. She pushed me into the bush. I was lucky that day because she was stopped by a woman I never knew who managed to give me a few seconds more to get home and lock the door behind me.
On top of the bullies was the falling over. Constant scabs on my knees from falling into the gravel (not that it’s changed much) just by falling over my own feet.
I remember when I made the choice to have my legs broken it was going to be a massive thing. Maybe I didn’t understand all of the things that would follow from having the surgery. But I mainly knew.
The first surgery took around 8 hours. Because the operation took so long I lost a lot of blood and that meant I hadn’t to have blood given to me. It makes me sad now. Because of that I can’t give blood myself now. I spent months in a wheelchair and bed. And then again on crutches. I had to learn to walk again, because where I hadn’t used my legs for so long the muscles had literally disappeared. So I had to literally find my feet again. I remember it wasn’t easy. I think in the back of my head I thought I would be able to just stand up out of the wheelchair I’d been stuck in and just walk… as I said, it really didn’t work like that.
2 surgeries, months of being between crutches and a wheelbchair I was finally back on my feet. Literally. It took a long time. But I got there.
I still have a few problems with my hips now. Nothing like the pain I’d gone through before, but the odd tingle. And ofcourse not to mention the 2 double scars on each of my hip.
I’ve been talking to lots of people recently about desicions and plans for my future. And I have a constant buzz of mind flow of what’s gonna happen soon.
I started thinking about the operation because it had been a major thing that I had got through, and when I think about what I have achieved since then . To me it proves something major.
Ok I’m gonna be really cliche here. But if I can get through this. As well as half the other shit I’ve been through I can get through anything.
Sometimes it takes one thing. One person. One moment. To change a perception of the things going on in life. One you have that’s thing. Hold on to it. Don’t ever loose it. Because they will be your rock and together even when you have to do things you don’t want too in the mean time. There will really be a happy ending.
Its officially a warm welcome to September! and this makes me happy because one of my favourite seasons of the year is now on its way! Thats right! Autumn.
I can’t wait to go for walks in the park surrounded by all those warm browny orange colours. The sound of leaves that have fallen crunching beneath your feet, and the smell. Is it weird to say I absolutely LOVE the smell of autumn?
Plus as its the very beginning of the month its time for fresh new monthly goals
So I thought I would share a few of my goals for this month….
♥Be more positive and focus on getting over this illness crap once and for all.
♥ Find some time to actually read a book!
♥Blog & Network more
♥Get through my interview successfully!
♥Take new steps towards my happiness goal and to the life I wanna live.
I hold on to the moment I fell in love with you with my heart everyday, that memory is the specialist memory I hold.
At times our life, it has been hard. Harder then it should be, we sit and dream of the time to come when our moment comes and the freedom we fantasise of becomes ours.
We look back to the past and remember the times we’ve gone through. Not always good. But neither of us can deny that we shared special memories and magical sparkle moments. As the years have gone by we have changed in so many ways.
I know the pain we share now is my fault. I’ve made some choices that I regret, and yet there is no real way that I can apologise, because I am sorry is not enough. Ive been a fool at times, a gullable
I hold on to the feeling of one day, not because I am not ready, and no. Im not scared.
Sometimes I just can’t help but watch you, not in a weird way, but because I just cane help myself, I see such a beautiful loving girl, one that doesn’t even know her own value.
It breaks my heart to see your pain. You don’t deserve what you go through. The way you are treated by others. You are a person..
You are always there for me, your smile, your words, your kind heart. What did I ever do to deserve someone like you?
Our first kiss still stays in my thoughts, the shivers that ran down my back. It was a surprise that I had longed for, but in reality was so much more then I could of knew. It was as if you could read my mind.
The moments we share, they to me are magical, even the discreet ones. We don’t just make moments that we know that we will keep, photo ready we always do that. We make memories.
I know at times I can look at you and I just know you can read my thoughts, I see you looking back and your eyes, your beautiful eyes, they tell me things. I know you can read mine too.
If I could do just one thing for you, that would be to keep my promise, a promise I made the very first day….
….I will not let you down.
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