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I would generally describe my personality as a goal getter, as a bubbly one, as a person who tries to carry on no matter what, I am always setting new goals and striving to be the best me I can, even when I feel down and panic. That was until the last few months, this really has not been easy. I wanted to share how being ill and having chronic pain has taken a toll on me and my mind. So this is not going to be one of my usual positive posts! because sometimes it doesn’t matter how much energy you put into a feel-good attitude it doesn’t always work as well as I would like it too.

2 months ago I thought I had a bug. that’s it, I remember phoning into work that morning feeling like I almost had a hangover without even touching a drop of drink. My stomach had started hurting and I was being sick constantly. But after a few days of constant pain and feeling rubbish, led to a trip to the hospital. It is now nearly May, and I have been off work the whole time. I feel chronically bored as well as poorly.

I have suffered from bad anxiety over the past few years but the last 2 months have been so much worse, I’m constantly worrying about myself, about my job, about what people are thinking of me, how I look, everything. It is really easy for myself to forget how to breathe and be calm. I am so good at getting myself in a tizzy, but then again it wouldn’t even be me if I wasn’t stressing over something.
It feels as if being ill has caused a spiral of mental health issues getting worse, and then it leads to what did I ever do to deserve this? Hmm.
Ironically the joke of a voodoo doll that may be somewhere is becoming more and less of a joke! I think I better do some research into that hey!

We are very lucky in this country to have such an amazing NHS that we don’t even pay for, but I do wish they would be able to sort me out a lot quicker! There is so much waiting involved when your undergoing investigation for something being wrong with you. The waiting is the draining part. I feel so emotionally drained. I suppose they call it a patient for a reason hey?

My energy is poor, my concentration is pretty non existant, and as for enthusiasm, well there is none.

There are plenty of good things in the works for the future and I know that so it is nothing to do with my life or lifestyle, it genuinely is about the constant illness and chronic pain that is making me so much worse. Anxiety is a major ware on someone, and I really do wish that others would also understand how just because someone can look OK, does not mean their mental health is.

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